You eat out of emotion because food temporarily dulls a feeling: it gives you calm, comfort or distraction. You don't stop emotional eating with more willpower, but by learning to feel what sits underneath the craving.
I see it almost every week with the women I coach. They know exactly what they 'should' be eating, and yet they're standing in the kitchen at nine o'clock at night. That's not a flaw in your character. It's a pattern, and patterns can be changed.
Why do you eat when you feel low?
Food works fast. Sugar and fat give you a nice feeling for a moment, and your brain remembers: this helps. That's how eating becomes an automatic response to stress, sadness, boredom or loneliness. Research into emotional eating, including by Dutch researchers around the DEBQ questionnaire, shows that many people eat more when they have negative emotions, even without physical hunger.
How do you recognise emotional eating?
- The craving comes on suddenly and feels urgent.
- You want something specific, often sweet or crunchy.
- You keep eating, even when you're already full.
- Afterwards you feel guilt or shame.
Physical hunger builds slowly and is happy with almost anything. Emotional hunger wants that one thing, now.
What can you do when you notice you're reaching for food?
- Pause for 5 minutes. You don't have to win, just wait a moment.
- Name the feeling. Is it tired, angry, lonely, tense? Say it out loud or write it down.
- Ask what you need. Rest, a hug, a walk, a phone call?
- Eat anyway if you want to, without punishing yourself. Guilt keeps the cycle going.
- Make sure your body isn't hungry as well. If you eat too little during the day, you're more vulnerable in the evening.
Why doesn't a strict diet work here?
A diet tackles the food, but not the feeling. And if you forbid yourself from eating, the tension grows. That's why I see so much yo-yo behaviour in women who do 'everything right'. Also read eating as a way of suppressing feelings and why willpower doesn't work.
When is it wise to get support?
If you notice the pattern is running your daily life, a coach can help you tackle the cause instead of the symptoms. At Killerbody we work for 6 months on thoughts, feelings and habits. On the 1 on 1 coaching page you leave your details and Fleur will call you for a no-obligation chat. The full explanation is in the weight loss coach guide. If you have an eating disorder or suspect you might, please see your GP. In between, our meal shakes make eating during the day easier, so you don't run empty in the evening.
Frequently asked questions
What is emotional eating?
Emotional eating is eating in response to a feeling instead of physical hunger.
Is emotional eating normal?
Yes, almost everyone does it from time to time. It only becomes a problem when it's your go-to way of dealing with feelings.
How do I stop comfort eating in the evening?
Make sure you eat enough during the day, name what you're feeling before you eat and find another way to relax. If you can't manage it alone, ask for help.
Sources: Voedingscentrum, Thuisarts.nl (eating problems), Van Strien et al., Dutch Eating Behavior Questionnaire (DEBQ).
So I'm going to help you.
About the author: Fajah Lourens is the founder of Killerbody (since 2015), has written books that have sold 350,000 copies in total and is an NLP practitioner.
