Inner Child Healing is working with the early experiences and unmet needs from your childhood that still steer how you deal with feelings and food as an adult. For many women, food is not just fuel, but also comfort, reward or a way of not having to feel something.
This is one of my own methods. It is not a replacement for therapy, but a way to understand why you do what you do. When you understand that, you no longer need to punish yourself for your behaviour. You can read more about eating as a way of numbing feelings in eating as suppression of feelings.
What is your inner child?
The inner child is the part of you that stores your earliest experiences, emotions and needs. As a child you learned what felt safe and what didn't: whether comfort came with food, whether your feelings were allowed to exist, whether you were loved when you were "good". Those lessons don't disappear when you grow up; they keep working in your automatic choices.
What does your childhood have to do with food?
More than you think. Large studies, including the well-known ACE study, show that difficult experiences in childhood are associated with a greater chance of being overweight in adulthood. A later review study confirmed that link. That doesn't mean it is your fault, or that everyone who is overweight had a difficult childhood. It means that eating behaviour often has a function.
How do you recognise that your inner child is eating along?
- You mainly eat when you feel lonely, rejected or tired, not when you are hungry.
- You have a strong urge for comfort food at certain moments.
- You feel shame or guilt straight after eating.
- Every time you promise yourself "tomorrow will be different" and it still doesn't work.
- You talk sternly to yourself, as if you were scolding a child. See also stopping emotional eating.
How do you work with your inner child in practice?
- Notice the moment. Before you take a bite, ask yourself: what am I feeling right now?
- Name the feeling. Lonely, angry, tired, tense. Naming it lowers the intensity.
- Ask what you need. Comfort, rest, recognition, a hug, a walk.
- Speak kindly to yourself. The way you would speak to a child who feels awful.
- Choose consciously. Sometimes that is still food, and that's okay. The difference is that you choose instead of being taken over.
We have made the 12-week Inner Child Healing programme available for free. If you also want to tackle the eating side with thoughts and habits, read Think Yourself Slim and the weight loss coach guide. For nutrition that suits your phase, take a look at our weight loss products.
When do you seek professional help?
If you are dealing with heavy memories, or if food is taking over your life (binge eating, vomiting, extreme restriction), go to your GP or a psychologist. Inner Child Healing is a supplement, not a replacement for treatment.
Would you like me to look along with you?
On 1-on-1 coaching you leave your details, and Fleur will call you.
Frequently asked questions
What is Inner Child Healing?
Working with the early experiences and needs of your inner child, so that you react less unconsciously to old patterns, including around food.
Can your childhood affect your weight?
Research shows a link between difficult childhood experiences and being overweight later in life. It is one of the factors, not the only explanation.
Is Inner Child Healing the same as therapy?
No. It is a self-help method. For serious complaints or trauma, professional help via your GP or psychologist is wise.
Sources: Felitti et al. (1998), Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults (ACE Study), American Journal of Preventive Medicine; Danese & Tan (2014), Childhood maltreatment and obesity: systematic review and meta-analysis, Molecular Psychiatry.
So I am going to help you.
About the author: Fajah Lourens is the founder of Killerbody (since 2015), has written books of which 350,000 copies have been sold in total, and is an NLP practitioner.
