Weight loss usually doesn't fail because of a lack of willpower, but because of patterns you don't see: eating too strictly, eating your feelings, having no fixed rhythm, or a harsh voice in your head. Once you recognise those patterns, you can change them. That is where lasting weight loss begins.
I see this in almost every woman I work with. You try hard, you start over, and still the scale won't move. That is not on you. Let's look at what is really going on.
Why isn't weight loss working for you even though you try hard?
Because behaviour rarely changes through knowledge alone. You often know exactly what you should eat. Yet you reach for something else when life is busy, you are tired or you feel low. Research on weight loss shows that most diets are hard to sustain in the long run and that many people regain the weight.
Which 7 patterns hold you back?
- All-or-nothing thinking. One cookie and the day is ruined, so you keep going.
- Starting too strict. You can keep an extreme diet up for a few weeks, then comes the relapse.
- Eating your feelings. Stress, sadness or boredom get dampened with food.
- No rhythm. Skipping meals and catching up in the evening causes cravings and restlessness.
- Too little protein and sleep. Both play a role in fullness and recovery.
- The harsh voice. You talk to yourself the way you would never talk to anyone else. It is exhausting.
- Going it alone. Without support and fixed appointments, you drop out as soon as motivation dips.
How do you recognise which pattern is yours?
Look back at your last failed attempt. Where did it go wrong: in the evening, at the weekend, after a stressful day, or after a comment about your body? The moment says more than the food. Write down for three days what you ate and what you felt at that time.
What does help you lose weight?
| Pattern | What helps |
|---|---|
| All-or-nothing | One small, achievable goal per week |
| Eating feelings | Name what you feel first, then choose |
| No rhythm | Fixed meal times, with protein |
| Harsh voice | Learn to speak to yourself kindly |
| Going it alone | Guidance and a fixed point of contact |
A helpful first step is a shake as a fixed, protein-rich meal, so you have one less decision to make. Take a look at our weight loss shakes.
Why does guidance often work better than trying alone?
A coach sees your patterns while you are in the middle of them. That is why I work with six-month programmes: changing habits takes time. You can read more in the weight loss coach guide. Want to know what suits you? On the 1-on-1 coaching page you leave your details and Fleur will call you.
Frequently asked questions
Why am I not losing weight even though I eat healthy?
Eating healthy is not the same as eating in a calorie deficit, and stress, sleep and hormones play a part too. If you keep gaining weight for no clear reason, talk to your GP.
How long does a new habit take to stick?
On average a little over two months, with big differences between people and habits. It is about repeating, not about being perfect.
Is weight loss with a coach worth it?
For many women, yes, because a coach helps with behaviour and feelings, not just food.
Sources: Mann et al. (2007), Medicare's search for effective obesity treatments: diets are not the answer, American Psychologist; Lally et al. (2010), How are habits formed, European Journal of Social Psychology.
So I am going to help you.
About the author: Fajah Lourens is the founder of Killerbody (since 2015), has written books that sold 350,000 copies in total, and is an NLP practitioner.
